


Five Times Kaidan Was Drunk (And One Time John Was, Too)

by sparkly_butthole



Series: The Future Is Ours [9]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, drunk kaidan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 20:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11974527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/pseuds/sparkly_butthole
Summary: “Can you feel it, Shepard? Feel the quickening? The Illusive Man better say his prayers tonight. ‘Cause we are comin’ for him. Murderous asshole. Oh yeah. Tide. Is. Turning.”“... are you drunk again, Kaidan?”Kaidan continues like Shepard hadn’t spoken at all. “I feel it, Shepard. Don’t you? We’re gonna get this bastard.”“Kaidan…” Shepard puts his head in his hands. If Kaidan wasn’t such an exceptional soldier, he’d feel like he was talking to Conrad Verner sometimes.





	Five Times Kaidan Was Drunk (And One Time John Was, Too)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ellebeedarling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/gifts).



> Happy birthday, love!

Five Times Kaidan Was Drunk (and One Time Shepard Was Too)

 

**One.**

 

Kaidan sits on the edge of John’s bed, more relaxed than he remembers being in a long time. The crew is on the Citadel, half of them partying at Purgatory, but Kaidan decided to stay behind and wait for John to finish his duties. He wishes he could stop the man from running himself ragged, but it’s Shepard, and besides that, the war waits for no one. 

Kaidan’s not willing to let that sour his mood, though. They finally found each other after almost three years, and that’s more than he could’ve hoped for the day he asked John to lunch at Apollo’s. Shepard was his rock, the one true thing he could count on, during their chase for Saren and Sovereign. It’s only right that he returns the favor.

So he sips his whiskey and waits.

When John finally comes in, he doesn’t notice Kaidan, wrapped up in his thoughts as he is and grumbling something fierce. 

“Goddamned space Jews…”

Kaidan startles John with a laugh, loud and hearty enough to nearly make him drop his whiskey. 

“What the fuck, John? You can’t say shit like that!”

“The hell I can’t, this is my cabin.”

“John. You’re not prejudiced. Not against the volus, and definitely not against the Jews… considering your grandmother was one.”

“Of course I’m not, but you have to admit, the volus fit the stereotype.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying that.”

“C’mon, Kaidan. You couldn’t have written them more stereotypical!”

Kaidan reluctantly moves from the end of the bed and goes to wrap his arms around his grumpy lover before he can sit in the desk chair. He kisses the Commander’s neck, little fluttering things that make John shiver.

“Hey, you,” Shepard murmurs.

“Hey, you back.”

They stand in comfortable silence until Shepard sniffs the air. “How drunk are you?”

“Drunk enough. Come lay with me.”

“Kaidan, I have work-”

“No. You have me. You’ve been running the Presidium for six damn hours gathering war assets and… apparently getting irritated with ‘space Jews.’ You can relax for an hour. Have some whiskey. Catch up.”

“Alright. I can’t resist you when you’re all snuggly like this.”

“‘s why my mama calls me ‘snuggle bunny.’”

“... please tell me your mother doesn’t get butterfly kisses from you, Kaidan.”

He scoffs. “Not from me. But the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”

John turns his head, smiles at him tenderly. “Then I can’t wait to meet your dad, because his son is the best man I’ve ever known.”

The kiss Shepard gives Kaidan is soft and full of promise. They move to the bed and forget the world for awhile.

 

**Two.**

 

“How did you end up in this sorry state?”

Ugh, the man doesn’t need to sound so smug, does he?

“I lost my last whiskey to Vega last night. Playin’ poker. He said he had just the thing to take my mind off stuff.”

“And did that thing also come in a bottle?”

“The very same bottle I lost. Clearly, the man doesn’t-  _ ow, fuck _ \- know how to appreciate good whiskey.”

“You did this to yourself. On purpose. Knowing it might be bad for your biotics, and knowing it would cost you in the morning.”

“... what’s your point?” 

Shepard laughs, and Kaidan winces in response. “You know, I think it might be time to test the fire alarm.”

“... you wouldn’t.”

“Or I could have Joker sing to you over the comm?”

“Oh god, you’re an asshole.”

“Two million credits, I’ll go away, I promise.”

“Nope. No deal. I have the feeling I’m-  _ fuck _ \- stuck with you.”

“Probably for good, yeah.”

“Shepard, if you don’t leave right now-”

“Uh huh. I want you on shift in 30 minutes. Nah, I’ll be nice and give you 45. But you’re with me tonight, got it? Apparently I have to watch over your ass.”

“Well then I guess my ass and I need to give you a show, huh.”

“You better keep that promise. As you were, Alenko.”

“Aye aye, sir.”

 

**Three.**

 

Everybody knows now, so there’s no reason for them to hide the fact that they’re together. Finally, Shepard can kiss Kaidan whenever he likes- and he does, frequently. This may or may not be the last party any of them get to enjoy, so he’s taking advantage of it.

Not to mention how much he loves showing Kaidan off. 

Kaidan’s at the bar fixing himself another drink when John comes around the corner. Only Javik is in the room, nursing his beer and carefully considering how wrong he’d been about this cycle- or at least some of it. Kaidan, ever sensitive, has left him to his own thoughts, knowing that Javik will rejoin the party when he’s ready. 

He himself needs a moment. Even with the biotic metabolism, he’s had enough alcohol to be quite a bit more than just buzzed.

“Shep, hey!”

“... Shep?”

“Yeah, that’s your-” 

Kaidan’s next words are cut off as Shepard kisses him, hungry and passionate and one hundred percent Shepard style.

“... oh.” 

That’s all Kaidan’s capable of saying after that. 

“C’mon, back to the party, you.” He raises his voice. “You too, Javik! Everyone is surprised to discover they actually like you, so come on and enjoy a night of peace. You’ve earned it.”

Javik shoots him a sour look but follows the two men as they rejoin the party.

It doesn’t take long for Kaidan to start running his mouth. Shepard tries to tell him to relax for once- not that he won’t be forcing him to do just that later- but Kaidan’s not taking the hint.

“You’re the boss! Except when you’re not, and in that case… find me later.”

Everyone catches the fake whisper, as Kaidan meant them to, and John decides that’s enough. Kaidan wants to play it that way? They’ll play it that way.

“Kaidan,” he says in his Commander’s voice. Miranda, Jacob, and Jack all stop their conversation at the sound. His groin stirs, knowing he has their attention as well. “To the bedroom. Find my belt. Strip, then on your knees. Any of you wanna come watch, you’re welcome to.”

They’ve talked about this, but Kaidan’s not ready to put on a real show- besides Joker, because well, that was an accident to start, dammit- and John won’t push it. He’s fully hard, though, when Jack seems to consider the proposition. 

“If you’ll all excuse us.” 

They leave the party. No one hears from them again until morning… but that doesn’t mean they don’t  _ hear  _ them… and that’s perfectly fine with Shepard.

 

**Four.**

 

“Can you feel it, Shepard? Feel the quickening? The Illusive Man better say his prayers tonight. ‘Cause we are comin’ for him. Murderous asshole. Oh yeah. Tide. Is. Turning.”

“... are you drunk again, Kaidan?”

Kaidan continues like Shepard hadn’t spoken at all. “I feel it, Shepard. Don’t you? We’re gonna get this bastard.”

“Kaidan…” Shepard puts his head in his hands. If Kaidan wasn’t such an exceptional soldier, he’d feel like he was talking to Conrad Verner sometimes. “Sweetheart, why don’t we get you to bed, hm?”

His husband looks at him like he’s lost his damn mind. “I feel like a million bucks, Shepard. I’m not ready for bed. Unless you mean…” Kaidan wiggles his eyebrows at Shepard.

“As enticing as that is, love, it’s not what I meant.” 

Kaidan’s frown is hilarious, but he can’t laugh now. The Illusive Man will be waiting for them in a few days, and Kaidan needs rest. 

“C’mon, you silly thing.” 

“Hey, you can’t do that! I’m an adult!” yells Kaidan as he picks the biotic up. Unable to hold back the laugh any longer, Shepard bodily carries him to the elevator, much like he once did on Virmire, on Mars. Much like he once did over the threshold of their cabin on the Normandy, Kaidan’s dog tag burning his chest in the most delicious way possible. Several members of the crew are lined up to watch the spectacle. John winks at them as he hits the button for the top floor.

His husband’s protests weaken, turning into whines. Despite his insistence that he wants to get some of ‘John’s exceptional lovin’,’ Kaidan is out like a lightbulb by the time he’s deposited on the bed. 

Shepard takes a few moments just to watch him sleep. Even drunk and drooling, the man is beautiful. Hopefully, they will get to grow old together like this. That’s what he’s fighting for most of all.

 

**Five.**

 

The makeshift hospital seems dirty and dingy to Kaidan’s eyes, ears, and nose. Even after several months, this place seems war torn, like he should be surprised not to hear battle raging on outside the window. 

He’s glad they took Shepard to Vancouver instead of London. It’s best not to be near the site of so much loss, though to be fair, Vancouver didn’t fare much better. Still, to be in the London clinic would be too much to bear, too near as it is to that last push. Those last moments. When Shepard had said his goodbye, likely never expecting to see Kaidan again.

He stares morosely at the glass of whiskey, unsure why the melancholy has overtaken him today. Things have been good- really damn good, in fact. Ever since they found Shepard on the Citadel, held in stasis by a Keeper, he’d responded remarkably well to his treatment. So much so that he’s expected to make a full recovery. So why does Kaidan feel this way?

Maybe because it’s the first day they’ve been apart since the Normandy returned to Earth. With Shepard in surgery, the doctors finally kicked him out. They’ve been waiting for him to be healthy enough for it, and once they gave the all-clear, they put him straight in without warning him.

Nothing will happen to him, he knows- they flew in the best salarian doctors left in Sol for this surgery. But it would’ve been nice to say, if not goodbye, good luck. 

He sips another drink, and decides to knock off that line of thinking. If everything goes well, Shepard will only have a few weeks left in the hospital. Then he starts PT, and Kaidan expects a lot of arguments and domestic battles. The good things in life.

And they’ll open his last bottle of real Peruvian whiskey then. He raises his glass to that.

 

**Plus one.**

 

It’s over.

The Reapers are destroyed, Kaidan’s home, he’s out of the hospital. All the things he hadn’t dared to hope for have come to pass. His husband refills his glass with the best wine he’s ever had, a ten-year old vintage straight from Bordeaux. Kaidan had moved heaven and earth to find and then ship the stuff.

Fuck, he loves him so much.

“I can’t believe the doc says you’ll be ready for sexual activity in a week or so.”

“I know. Even the kind of sexual activity we do.”

“John…” Kaidan looks mortified. “You didn’t tell him the kinds of things we do, did you?”

“Um…”

“Oh god.” His husband puts his head in his hands and fakes sobs. “Why did I ever think it was a good idea to ask you out?”

“Because you loved me, you idiot.”

Kaidan picks his head up and grins. “Yeah, I really fucking did. And still do.”

Shepard leans in to kiss him but nearly falls out of his chair. He laughs, music to Kaidan’s ears. “Guess I’m a little drunker than I thought I was!” 

“Usually you get all pouty when you’re drunk. I remember that night on the Normandy when you were so mad I beat you at the trivia game. Liara’s still super embarrassed about that night, by the way.”

“Ha! Well, she should be. I know she wasn’t the typical asari maiden, but still. Should’ve been able to hold her liquor better than that!”

Kaidan nods, his smile turning melancholic. “So what’s going on with you now? I mean, I’m happy that you seem so… happy… but how are you not all pouty?”

“I guess… maybe, I dunno, Kaidan. Maybe because the war is over? I’m finally here with you? Not much to be pouty over.”

“Well, don’t judge me, but I kinda liked you like that. Made your lips even more fat and kissable.”

“In that case, I’m gonna go straight teenager about how unfair it is that I can’t bend you over and fuck you silly. Pretty sure I can get there in a heartbeat if I try.”

They share a grin. 

“Enjoy that wine, John. you’ve earned it,” Kaidan says to him softly.

“Aye-aye, Major. But kiss me first?”

“As if I could say no to my Commander.”

“Damn straight you couldn’t,” John murmurs against his mouth. He’s happier than he’s ever been. 

What he fought for is right here in his arms… and that’s all that really matters.

  
  
  


 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my buddy Arke for beta reading! <4


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